Why Desperation Can Be a Gift for
People Recovering From Addictions
By Dr.Fourkan Ali
Rarely do we see the words "gift" and
"desperation" in the same sentence. Desperation has a negative
connotation – and rightly so; the term describes feelings of pain and longing.
But for people on the road to recovery from
addiction, "don't forget the gift of desperation" is among
the many catchy slogans used to simplify the sometimes-inexplicable process of
getting sober. (Others include phrases like "expect miracles,"
"faith without works is dead" and "we are only as sick as our
secrets.") Here's why:
1. Desperation gets people sober.
Court-appointed and family-mandated treatment
aside, the reason people seek
help for drug addiction or alcoholism originates from a deep sense of misery
and hopelessness that alcohol and drugs can never fully mask.
At a certain point in their addiction, the
mind-altering substances people use as a crutch to get through the day hardly
provide the "high" they search for to escape the present. They need
help; they need somebody to help gather the fragments of themselves from off
the floor and put them back together again.
That is
the gift of desperation and the emotional turmoil that forces people who are
suffering to bravely ask for help.
2. Desperation keeps people sober.
The tricky part about desperation is that it is
extremely easily forgotten.
During their first 60 days of sobriety in
treatment, clients at my clinic – a substance abuse treatment center in Orange
County, California – spend the majority of their time peeling away the
emotional layers like an onion. Slowly but efficiently, our clinicians work
with them to address the pain and anguish from the years leading up to
treatment.
But as outpatient treatment draws to an end and our
clients integrate a job, school and family back into their lives, it's harder
for them to remember the severity of desperation that led them to treatment in
the first place.
Left to their own devices, recovering alcoholics
and addicts can very quickly convince themselves that alcohol and
drugs were never the problem and
that they have "just hit a rough patch." They can convince themselves
that if they take a drink now – armed with the tools learned from treatment –
they will be able to control their
consumption.
Fortunately, there is a solution to this dangerous
thinking: community. At New Method Wellness, we emphasize our alumni program
and extended aftercare to aid our clients in developing a sober community.
These communities comprise people who have also suffered from the depths of
addiction and can serve as a reminder of where they were and are going.
Being constantly exposed to such an environment is
imperative to remaining humble.
3. Desperation prevents relapse.
We often tell our clients with thoughts of relapse
to "play the tape through" before acting. This simply means
envisioning the process of a relapse by addressing the steps leading up to the
first drink, considering how they will feel when they have a drink and reminding
themselves what will happen after they have one.
The purpose of this process is to channel a
negative reaction in order to make an active and positive decision. We find
that if our clients ruminate over what will happen after they have that first
drink, they tend to remember the initial desperation that sparked their
recovery journey.
It works for me, too. Despite 27 years of sobriety
and working in the field of addiction, I have to remain assertive about the
origins of my own sobriety: how I felt, what my life looked like and how others
perceived me when I was an alcoholic.
Desperation, I've found, is the cornerstone to
healthy, long-term sobriety.
Rather than something to be avoided, then, I like
to think of desperation as a seed. While the seed may be a gift from Mother
Nature, it takes water and tender, loving care to grow into a fruitful plant.
Without these factors, the roots will wither and the plant will never bloom to
its potential.
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