Reflecting on People,
Places and Things In Recovery
By Dr. Fourkan Ali
I truly believe that if I can make it
out, anybody can. It starts with a desire to stop using and continues with one
step at a time.
via
author
As recovering addicts,
we often hear about the numerous changes in life we must make to maintain
sobriety. The concept seems simple right? I mean, realistically, we can’t go
hang out with friends who are using drugs right in front of our faces without
being tempted and probably relapsing. We can’t go into a bar where the very
smell of alcohol will lure us right back in. It makes sense, but for some, it’s
one of those “easier said than done” type of things.
Looking back to the
very first time that I entered treatment for my heroin addiction, I thought
that the whole concept was bogus. I was young, immature and not quite ready to
give up my dear friend, dope. The first time we had a group about triggers, I
pretty much made fun of people in my head. I could say the sky is blue and you’d
be triggered is what I thought
about one girl as she listed off what seemed like dozens of triggers. I sat
there with my arms folded and rolled my eyes very obviously so that everyone in
the facility knew how I felt.
I had this whole
theory that addiction was just like Pavlov’s classical conditioning theory and
if I could just retrain my brain, I could beat my addiction. I couldn’t stand
the whole idea that addiction was actually a disease. I didn’t want to accept
that.
It wasn’t until I was
home for about two weeks (after successfully making my way through rehab, that
is) that I understood the importance of understanding our triggers in order to
maintain recovery. I was home, on my happy little pink cloud and honestly
putting forth an effort. My sister stopped at a gas station where I used to
shoot up in the bathroom. I know, not sanitary at all, but we do what we can to
get that feeling. The second that I walked in, I felt it. Sweaty palms. Nausea.
Anxiety. I felt it all. After that, the contemplating started. I had convinced
myself that I could use one more time and that was it. Boy was I wrong.
I used sporadically
until I was back to full-blown strung out. My thinking and my attitude had
landed me right back to where I was before, and of course it progressed from there.
I am 30 years old and
have spent a good part of my life battling this disease. Yes, now I will
identify with it being a disease because that’s what it is. It is a thinking
disease. After several attempts at sobriety, I am finally in a place where I can
say that I am recovering. I will always be recovering. And one major part of my
recovery is small yet important changes that I’ve made.
People, places and
things. People I used to associate with to get high with or buy drugs from.
Places I used to go to get dope or get high. Things I used to do to get high or
use drugs. I have had to identify and eliminate or find coping skills so that
they couldn’t effect my recovery. Now, I am not saying that just because I used
to use a gas station bathroom, I will never go back to that bathroom. But I
have found coping skills that help me deal with triggers that may help you as
well.
First, identify
possible triggers. Write them down. Make a list. One thing that really helped
me was to journal about triggers as they came about and explain to myself why
these things brought about the feeling they did. Here's another tip: make sure
you associate feelings and thoughts with the trigger. If going down a certain
street makes your gut bubble and feel anxious then write down why that is.
Maybe talk to yourself. I know that self-talk seems a little crazy but it helps
a lot.
Next, eliminate people
that don’t have YOUR best interest at heart. One thing that I noticed in early
recovery is that it seemed like every dope dealer I had, or friend I used with,
was suddenly willing to hook me up! For free! It was like they knew I was clean
and wanted to bait, hook and reel me right back into addiction. We all know how
it is to be in the midst of our illness. The high is all we care about and we
are very self-serving.
In recovery, it is
okay to be a little selfish, too. Do what’s best for you and cut off people who
don’t want to see you succeed. Misery loves company, remember that. And if it
is someone that is a good friend or family member, love them from a distance.
Maybe explain to them that you care for them but right now it’s not a healthy
choice to have them in your life right now. I had to do it to several friends,
and it hurt, but it didn’t hurt as bad as being strung out.
Finally, find a coping
skill that works for you. I used a few different techniques that really helped
me when I encountered triggers. Mindfulness, box breathing and journaling are
all great coping skills for when dealing with triggers. One thing I did a lot
was tell on myself. Whether it is to a sponsor, a friend or family member, it
is such a relief to put what you’re thinking out on the floor.
When I would encounter
an uncomfortable situation, it always helped me to call my mom and tell her
what I was thinking, conspiring or feeling. At first, I thought that I would be
judged for even thinking about using, which is natural and expected. I even
thought people would be mad or disappointed in me but suprisingly it was just
the opposite. Talking through those thoughts helped me tremendously. I know
from experience that holding onto those reservations turns into obsessing and
usually leads to relapse. Don’t be afraid to talk about it.
Achieving recovery
isn’t an easy task and it's not done overnight. Over time, it does get easier.
I am still learning every single day. I am surely not an expert and I don’t
have all the answers. What I do have is experience and what has worked for me.
I know this is a common thought, but I do believe that if I can make it out,
anybody can. It starts with a desire to stop using and continues with one step
at a time.
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